Today I stuck my dick in crazy. One thing I always said I’d never do. But I have a good feeling about her. She’s a lil spicy in the nuero department but I feel like it’s a manageable kind. I can be understanding and compassionate. It’s not that far off the spectrum I’m on. I think we could help each other. She’s cute in her own way. Strong willed. Broken. She gives off waves of warmth and innocence as the walls crumble. For the first time in a long time I’m enjoying exploring someone. She adores aurora. She reminds me of me in so many ways. Who I could have been if I’d let the demons win.
I feel like this could go somewhere. I need to take it slow and make sure bpd doesn’t do it’s bpd things.
I had to take 2.5g of lorazepam just to get over the anxiety of being invited over to someone’s flat for some one to one time. But it was worth it. I think I’ll be fine without the benzos next time. She’s so soft spoken and kind, Why should I be anxious.
bpd is making me anxious, trying to tell me this could end up being a plot to make accusations against me. I’m taking that on board but not allowing it to ruin the experience.